The tea snacks served at a memorial service.
Have you ever been unsure about how to fold or orient the “kaishi” paper placed underneath them?
It’s easy to get confused with celebratory customs, wondering, ‘Which way is for which occasion?’ or ‘Is kaishi necessary for individually wrapped sweets?’ These uncertainties can cause anxiety. You might worry about appearing disrespectful to the priest or relatives if you use it incorrectly.
But please don’t worry.
This article will carefully explain the proper etiquette for using kaishi at memorial services, starting from the basics, so that even first-timers can understand at a glance.
We’ve compiled all the information you need, from how to fold it and use it differently depending on the type of sweet, to choosing the right size and where to buy it in a pinch.
By the time you finish reading this article, you will no longer be confused about kaishi for memorial services. You’ll be able to face the day with confidence and grace.
Kaishi for Memorial Services: The Basics | Uses and Roles (Placing and Taking Home)
At memorial services, kaishi primarily serves as a “plate” placed under the tea snacks offered to the priest and attendees.
Instead of placing the sweets directly on a tray or plate, using a sheet of kaishi gives a more polite and thoughtful impression.
When to Use Kaishi at a Memorial Service (For Priests, Attendees, and Offerings)
The main situations where kaishi is used are as follows:
- For the priest’s tea: It accompanies the tea and snacks served after the sutra chanting.
- For attendees’ tea: It is distributed with tea snacks during the meal or breaks.
- For offerings: When presenting sweets or fruit at the Buddhist altar, they are placed on kaishi instead of directly on the offering stand.
How to Decide: Individually Wrapped vs. Unwrapped Sweets
The basic criterion for deciding whether to use kaishi with tea snacks is whether the sweets are individually wrapped or not.
- Unwrapped sweets (like manju, nerikiri, etc.): Always use kaishi.
- Individually wrapped sweets (like cookies, rice crackers, etc.): Kaishi is generally not necessary, as the packaging already serves to keep the sweets clean.
However, if you wish to show extra hospitality, it is perfectly fine to serve individually wrapped sweets on kaishi as well.
Taking Sweets Home: Etiquette and a Phrase to Use
If the priest is unable to eat the tea snack, they may wrap it in the kaishi to take home.
For this reason, it is considerate to prepare slightly larger kaishi.
When offering, adding a phrase like, “Please, feel free to take this with you,” gives a more polite impression.
Kaishi for Memorial Services: Washi Materials and Choosing Plain White Paper
While kaishi comes in various materials and patterns, for a somber occasion like a memorial service, choosing “plain white” is the safest and most formal option.
Why Plain White is Best for Somber Occasions (Regarding Patterns and Colors)
Kaishi with bright patterns or colors used for celebrations are not appropriate for a place of mourning. Avoid those with gold or silver decorations, as well as character designs. Remember that for memorial services, simple, clean, “plain white” is the only choice.
When in Doubt, “Plain White + Slightly Thick” is a Safe Choice
There are many types of washi paper, but for memorial services, a “slightly thicker” type that is less prone to bleed-through from moisture or oil from the sweets is easier to handle. If you’re unsure about the material, you can’t go wrong by choosing a basic plain white paper with a slightly firm texture.
How to Fold Kaishi for a Memorial Service | The Mourning Fold is “Left-Side Down, Crease Towards You”
The most common mistake in kaishi etiquette is the “folding method.” The orientation is opposite for celebrations and mourning, so let’s make sure to confirm it here.
Basic Folding Procedure (Crease Towards You)
First, place the folded kaishi with the “crease” (the folded side) facing you. This is the basic placement.
The Difference in Orientation for Celebrations and Mourning (Right-side Down / Left-side Down)
When placing a sweet on the kaishi to serve a guest, you slightly offset the top layer. This offset differs for celebrations and mourning.
- Mourning (memorial services, funerals, etc.): The top sheet is folded so it is lower on the left side.
- Celebrations (weddings, New Year’s, etc.): The top sheet is folded so it is lower on the right side.
This is the same as how a kimono is worn for the deceased; it’s easy to remember that “left side over right” is the custom for mourning.
How to Remember the Orientation Without Getting Confused
- Place the kaishi with the crease towards you.
- Gently pinch the top-left corner of the upper sheet.
- Slide it diagonally down and to the left, so it is slightly offset from the corner of the sheet below.
As long as you remember this “left-side down” shape, you can handle it without hesitation when the time comes.
Kaishi for Memorial Service Sweets | Differences in Use for Individually Wrapped vs. Unwrapped Sweets
As mentioned earlier, the decision to use kaishi is primarily based on the packaging of the sweets.
Use Kaishi for Unwrapped Sweets / Generally Not Needed for Wrapped Sweets
For unwrapped sweets like manju or nerikiri, you must always serve them on kaishi. On the other hand, for sweets that are individually wrapped, like cookies or rice crackers, it is not a breach of etiquette to serve them directly on a plate.
How to Layer with a Sweet Dish or Tray for a Better Presentation
Placing a sheet of kaishi on a sweet dish or tray, rather than putting the sweet directly on it, looks neater and conveys thoughtfulness. When serving, the correct etiquette is to place the kaishi so that the creased side faces the person who will be eating.
Choosing a Kaishi Size for Memorial Services | Standards for Men’s, Women’s, and Plain White
Kaishi actually comes in different sizes for men and women. Knowing this can help you be even more considerate.
Guideline for Women’s (approx. 14.5×17.5cm) and Men’s (approx. 17.5×20.6cm) Sizes
- For Women (Hon-kaishi): This is the standard size commonly sold, approximately 14.5cm × 17.5cm.
- For Men (Oban-kaishi): This is one size larger than the women’s version, approximately 17.5cm × 20.6cm.
If you are unsure which to prepare, choosing the larger men’s size is a safe bet, as it provides ample room for wrapping sweets to take home.
Of course, using the standard women’s size for everyone is also perfectly acceptable.
How Many Kaishi to Prepare for a Memorial Service | A Guide Based on a Number of Attendees and Spares
It is important to prepare a few extra sheets of kaishi to ensure you don’t run out on the day of the memorial service.
Calculation: (Attendees × 1-2 sheets) + Priest’s share + 10-20% extra
- Base number: (Number of attendees + Number of priests) × 1 sheet
- Spares: An additional 10% to 20% of the above number
To be fully prepared, especially if tea will be served multiple times or if kaishi will also be used for offerings, it is safer to calculate using “Attendees × 2 sheets.”
Using Kaishi for “Mizugashi” (Moist Sweets) | How to Use Ryusan-shi (Glassine Paper)
When serving “mizugashi,” or sweets with high moisture content like yokan or jelly, the moisture can seep through kaishi alone. In such cases, “ryusan-shi (glassine paper)” is very useful.
The Role of Glassine Paper (Water Resistance) and How to Layer It
Glassine paper is a thin paper with excellent water and oil resistance. By placing a sheet of it under the kaishi, you can prevent moisture from transferring to the tray or plate.
Layer the paper in the order of kaishi, then glassine paper, and place the sweet on top.
Can You Substitute Kaishi? | The Difference from Hanshi (Calligraphy Paper) and Regional Customs
If you suddenly need kaishi, you might wonder, “Can I use hanshi calligraphy paper as a substitute?”
Differences in Size and Texture Between Hanshi and Kaishi
Kaishi and hanshi differ in size and paper quality. Kaishi is smaller and has a sturdier texture. While it’s best to use proper kaishi, if it’s absolutely unavailable, you can substitute it with clean, white paper.
Dealing with Regional Customs That Use Hanshi
In some regions, there is a custom of placing hanshi under offerings. If you are unsure, it is a good idea to check with an elder relative, a local Buddhist altar fittings store, or the temple.
Kaishi Etiquette for Memorial Services | Do You Take it Home? and Common Mistakes
There are several points of etiquette to be aware of when using kaishi.
Basic Etiquette for Used Kaishi (Taking it Home and Disposal)
After eating the sweet, the basic etiquette is not to leave the used kaishi behind, but to take it home with you. It is elegant to bring a kaishi holder or a small bag for this purpose.
Things to Avoid (Bright Colors, Gold/Silver, Character Patterns, Leaving it Behind)
- Bright colors and patterns: Items reminiscent of celebrations are not appropriate for a mourning occasion.
- Leaving it behind: Avoid leaving used kaishi on the table after you have finished eating.
Where to Buy Kaishi for a Memorial Service | Tea Ceremony Shops, Online Stores, and Last-Minute Tips
When you decide to buy kaishi, you might not know where to look.
- Tea ceremony shops / Buddhist altar fittings stores: The most reliable places to buy.
- Department stores: You can find them in the housewares or tea ceremony sections.
- Large stationery stores / variety stores (like Tokyu Hands): You may find them in the washi paper section.
- 100-yen shops (like Daiso, etc.): Some stores carry them.
- E-commerce sites (Amazon, Rakuten, etc.): They offer a wide variety and can accommodate urgent needs with next-day delivery.
Be aware that most supermarkets and convenience stores do not carry them.
Common Questions About Kaishi for Memorial Services | When to Use, Placement, and Common Misunderstandings
Finally, we will answer some frequently asked questions about kaishi for memorial services.
- Should kaishi also be placed under offerings?
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Yes, placing it underneath is considered more polite. By not placing sweets or fruits directly on the offering stand, and instead using a sheet of kaishi, you show your reverence for the offering.
- If there is a paper plate or a tray, is kaishi unnecessary?
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It’s not mandatory, but using it is more polite. Kaishi also serves to keep the plate from getting dirty or scratched. As a gesture of hospitality, it is good to place kaishi even on top of a paper plate.
- How can I check the fold orientation if I forget?
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Just remember, “For mourning, it’s left-side down.” Like with a kimono, the custom for occasions of mourning is for the left collar to be on top (in front). If you just remember this, you will be fine even in a pinch.
Summary: Kaishi for Memorial Services, 3 Steps You Can Take Today
The etiquette for using kaishi at a memorial service is not difficult once you grasp the key points.
Let’s review the following three steps to prepare, starting today.
- 【Prepare】First, get some “plain white” kaishi.
- If you are unsure about the size, choosing the slightly larger men’s size is convenient and versatile.
- 【Practice】Try the mourning fold: “left-side down, crease towards you” once.
- If you practice it with your hands once, you can handle it gracefully on the day of the service without panicking.
- 【Confirm】Remember that for “individually wrapped” sweets, kaishi is generally not necessary.
- Just knowing this rule will help you avoid confusion when making decisions on the day.
By keeping these points in mind, you can offer heartfelt hospitality without being disrespectful to the deceased, the bereaved family, the priest, and the attendees at the important occasion of a memorial service.
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